Tuesday, February 22, 2011

39 weeks & everything that comes with that

39 weeks pregnant
The emotions of being 39 weeks pregnant are no laughing matter.  I remember feeling very overwhelmed, confused, scared to death and lots more when I was a week away from my due date with Josephine. Multiply all of that by about a billion and that's how we're feeling right now.  It's a crazy enough time already, but add to that the reality of being convinced we would deliver prematurely, still trying to get my body functioning properly again after bedrest and the complex emotions surrounding the losses we've had and the miracle that is this pregnancy in the first place and well, things are just a bit of a mess around here.  (Not to mention the guilt I feel every time I even come close to complaining or feeling frustrated. Getting here to "Four Schneiders" has been such a long road and I feel awful when I start to take this pregnancy for granted - especially with some many people close to us struggling with infertility themselves.)

I am trying very hard to stay focused on this enormous blessing instead of getting overwhelmed by the emotions of it all, but it's tough. (The dreaded 39 week dr's appt today didn't help matters. I really, really didn't want to go and promised myself the whole way there that I wouldn't get upset or let the results of "the 39 week check" bother me, but I failed miserably and had an epic meltdown on the way home.  Long story short...no change since last week...talk of an induction next week which we want to avoid at all costs...sarcasm about our plan for a natural delivery...UGH!)
With that, I promise I'll stop complaining but I did want to give you all a quick update. In other news - I have definitely moved out of the "nesting" phase and feel myself moving into what we've been referring to as the "mama cat" phase.  As I told Lou today, I'm ready to go find a quiet isolated place under the porch and have my kittens. In other words, don't be surprised (and please don't take it personally) if I don't answer your calls, return your emails, etc. I'm trusting my instincts and starting to turn inward.

I'll leave you with one of the out-takes from the shots I was trying to get of my belly. As I was scanning back through the pics, this one cracked me up! Notice how my belly, the mirror, and the vase are all oddly similar.
Notice any similarities?
Coming soon...an update on how Josie is handling all of this.  She's a little trooper but her tiny reserve of patience is definitely running low. Keep sending those good vibes everyone.  :)