Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A peek inside the six-week postpartum mind

A lot has certainly changed in the past six weeks. In some ways, I can't believe six whole weeks have already passed. And in others, I feel like Beatrice has been here with us forever.

Rather I shared it with anyone or not (did I?!) I gave myself the first six weeks with the goal of just "being" with Beatrice and not worrying too much about what was coming next. I wasn't totally true to that promise to myself (sure I've been a little stressed all along) but now that the real six week mark is here, I've got to get my head out of the sand about a few things.

 I've got to figure out when I'm going back to work, figure out the best childcare arrangement/schedule for the girls for the summer and find a long-term childcare solution (in the form of a new nanny). Then there's the promise for a swingset for Josie which is going to require MASSIVE yard renovations first (do you think people would honestly show up with shovels in hand if we promised pizza and beer?) and also the vegetable garden (oh no, maybe I should've been reading gardening books while on bedrest).  And then there's the personal stuff - the in-between sizes post-natal clothes fiasco and major hormonal changes that have turned my skin into something very closely resembling a teenage boy just hitting puberty.  Sprinkle in the obligatory dose of mama-guilt we all experience for lots of reasons that we know we shouldn't but just do anyway and well, I'm sorta kinda an absolute freaking mess at the moment.  Picture your best toddler tantrum and that's what is brewing. Really, I just feel like putting my hands on my hips, stomping my feet and yelling "You can't make me!" to the world right now. Luckily, I remember this with Josie and know that this too shall pass.  (Oh and poo - just realized I need to schedule my six week postpartum doctor's appt. Add that to the list.)  So, I'm clearly venting but that's what happens at 2pm when I just ate breakfast and have yet to brush my teeth. And alas I am blogging instead of hopping in the shower so - ha - I have no one to blame but myself.  I guess I just had to get all of this out of my system. So, there it is. Phew! I feel better and now I can move back toward my happy place. Bea is sleeping soundly and I better at least get out of my pajamas before it's time to go get Josie Posie from school.  No one said it was easy, but it's definitely all worth it.

Six Weeks and Smiling

Little Beatrice sure has come a long way in six short weeks from that first "Meet Beatrice" video of her just beginning to open her eyes and take a look at the world. Now she's a shiny happy six week old. Enjoy!