Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A peek inside the six-week postpartum mind

A lot has certainly changed in the past six weeks. In some ways, I can't believe six whole weeks have already passed. And in others, I feel like Beatrice has been here with us forever.

Rather I shared it with anyone or not (did I?!) I gave myself the first six weeks with the goal of just "being" with Beatrice and not worrying too much about what was coming next. I wasn't totally true to that promise to myself (sure I've been a little stressed all along) but now that the real six week mark is here, I've got to get my head out of the sand about a few things.

 I've got to figure out when I'm going back to work, figure out the best childcare arrangement/schedule for the girls for the summer and find a long-term childcare solution (in the form of a new nanny). Then there's the promise for a swingset for Josie which is going to require MASSIVE yard renovations first (do you think people would honestly show up with shovels in hand if we promised pizza and beer?) and also the vegetable garden (oh no, maybe I should've been reading gardening books while on bedrest).  And then there's the personal stuff - the in-between sizes post-natal clothes fiasco and major hormonal changes that have turned my skin into something very closely resembling a teenage boy just hitting puberty.  Sprinkle in the obligatory dose of mama-guilt we all experience for lots of reasons that we know we shouldn't but just do anyway and well, I'm sorta kinda an absolute freaking mess at the moment.  Picture your best toddler tantrum and that's what is brewing. Really, I just feel like putting my hands on my hips, stomping my feet and yelling "You can't make me!" to the world right now. Luckily, I remember this with Josie and know that this too shall pass.  (Oh and poo - just realized I need to schedule my six week postpartum doctor's appt. Add that to the list.)  So, I'm clearly venting but that's what happens at 2pm when I just ate breakfast and have yet to brush my teeth. And alas I am blogging instead of hopping in the shower so - ha - I have no one to blame but myself.  I guess I just had to get all of this out of my system. So, there it is. Phew! I feel better and now I can move back toward my happy place. Bea is sleeping soundly and I better at least get out of my pajamas before it's time to go get Josie Posie from school.  No one said it was easy, but it's definitely all worth it.


Anonymous said...

Carri,I am glad you are able to vent and we are here to listen. Take one day at a time, and one hour for that matter, it will all work out. Too many of us try to hurry through life, stop and enjoy. It will all get done at some point. Laurie

FourAustins said...

1,2,3.....breathe! If you can deliver 2 babies naturally....ummm yea....you can most certainly get through this period!!!

Carrie Schmitt said...

Hang in there, Mama. I know the funk. Take a deep breath and be in the moment. Everything will work out. Let the universe take some responsibility for that stuff, unburden yourself and let it unfold...Gardening with a little one can be tough. Don't be too hard on yourself this year. My gardening took a hiatus when Nora was born--try not to put too much pressure on yourself. There will be many more summers...gardening comes in and out of my life...an ebb and flow thing. Enjoy this fleeting time and believe everything will turn out fine. The universe is on your side :)